One of my biggest regrets of a thought - I only thought this, I didn’t even say it - was when I meeting with a colleague celebrant over coffee about a decade ago and I offered some business advice. She replied with something about how she has two kids and I thought ‘ok mate, we’ve all got something going on.’ Biggest regret ever. Because I now have two, almost three young kids, and I feel like I’m drowning most days and I’m guessing that’s how that celebrant friend felt as well.
Grace writes to me:
It’s bloody hard trying to find the time (and mental power) to write ceremonies whilst juggling kids. I know it’s still early but being self employed means you can’t just take a year off so yeah.. wondering if you have thoughts on this.
As I write, Britt and I have two girls (Luna and Goldie) and a baby boy due any minute. And Britt is actually in a different country with the girls. I am in New Zealand for a wedding today. Real life is messy. Parenting turns your calendar into a jigsaw.
Something I often say about marriage is that the single biggest decision you can make about your future quality of life, wealth, joy, and health is who you choose to marry.
I married well. So well!
Your capacity to parent and work is directly tied to your partnership with the child’s other parent who is hopefully also your partner or spouse. What goals you share. What trade-offs you accept. What support you build. The juggle improves when the partnership is clear.
You are not imagining it
Parenting scrambles focus. Sleep is weird. Your attention is chopped up into tiny pieces. None of that makes you a bad celebrant. It just means you need a different way to work.
The job is not to force your pre-kids workflow onto your post-kids life. The job is to rebuild around the life you want to lead - equally so for your marriage, your family, and in third position, your business.
The self-employed leave problem
Employees can take leave.
Self-employed celebrants have a softer landing at best. Bookings, enquiries, socials, BAS, and ceremonies do not pause on their own.
Plus the wedding market does not care that you’re taking time off. Clients, as lovely as they can be, are planning their wedding so your taking a break is of no interest to them.
My advice is to not aim for a year off but to instead design a business and workflow around seasons you can survive.
Think in seasons, not perfection
Season 1: Late pregnancy
- Cull the calendar. Set a last-booking date. Cut long travel and back-to-backs.
- Fewer, better bookings. If you take on less, charge more so it’s worth it.
- Update your terms. Add pregnancy and backup clauses. Write the emergency plan before you need it.
Season 2: The fog (-1 to 6 months)
- Care beats sparkle. Short, clear emails. Kindly let people you’re not available for meetings at this time. Maybe get a ChatGPT app to write emails like this letting people know that you’re just enjoying your fourth trimester and will be back into work soon.
- Protect creative time. Automate admin. Use templates. Activate AI. Outsource activities that stress you out before you outsource baby time.
- Tiny sprints. Voice notes. One paragraph per nap. One to zero celebrant tasks per day.
Season 3: Almost a new normal (6–12 months)
- Choose volume on purpose. What number of weddings fits your new family schedule?
- Price for reality. Parent-you needs margin.
- Say no early. Stop “maybe” until it becomes panic.
Season 4: New normal
- Commit to what you can commit to. Work with your partner to understand what you can do, and how you can do it with the tools, computers, automations, outsourcing, and support you have now.
- Say no more often.
How to write ceremonies when your brain is mush
1) Split writing into three modes
- Capture. Dot points and voice notes. No editing.
- Shape. Drop those points into your ceremony structure.
- Polish. Fix transitions and rhythm later.
Doing all three at once is hero mode. Don’t.
2) Frameworks, not scripts
Build one or two ceremony shapes you trust. Keep a small library of openings, transitions, and sign-offs that sound like you. Structure reduces load. It does not kill creativity. Start with these “bits” and edit as needed.
3) Dictate, don’t type
Walk the pram and talk the ceremony into your phone. Clean it up later. Done beats perfect. AI transcription and then clean-up of the transcription is really good now, even jsut using Apple Notes with Apple Intelligence, or the Google equivalent on Android.
4) Protect your best brain
Block one or two prime hours a week for ceremony writing only. Morning hour before the house wakes or whatever your family schedule allows. One café sit with childcare covered. Email can wait.
Boundaries, guilt, and the stories in your head
You will feel guilt for working. Guilt for not working. Guilt for wanting your old brain back. Welcome to the club.
Remember:
- Some celebrants have more support. Some have less.
- Instagram is a highlight reel.
- Your goal is a sustainable practice and a family that still likes you.
You are allowed to be seasonal. You are allowed to charge properly. You are allowed to be ambitious and tired at the same time.
When you are the birth parent, recovery is real. Creativity returns on its own timetable. Get support early. Partner, family, a babysitter, a colleague on standby, a counsellor, a GP. This industry can be isolating. It does not have to be lonely.
It’s also possible that things will never go back to the way they were, that’s the reality with parenting, so adjust to the new rhythms.
Systems that quietly carry the load
- Automate enquiries, booking confirmations, questionnaires, reminders, invoices.
- Centralise ceremonies in one workspace so nothing gets lost.
- Template every repeat email. Use text expanders.
- FAQs make the best blog posts, they add to your SEO plus allow you to send a link instead of writing the same email again.
- Handover plan with one or two trusted celebrants. Keep a ready-to-send brief.
Every small system is future-you getting a life raft.
How long should I pause ceremonies after birth?
There is no magic number. Many take at least 6–16 weeks before standing up at a wedding again. Your body, family, recovery, baby, and travel distance decide more than your willpower.
Should I tell couples I’m pregnant?
Be transparent enough to set expectations, especially late pregnancy and early postpartum bookings. Reassure with a backup plan. Clients want clarity more than certainty.
What if baby comes early and I’m booked?
Trigger the plan: your T&Cs, your backup celebrant, your prepared handover. Communicate early. Couples want to be married by a pro who is prepped. That can be you or your trusted colleague.
When should I put my fees up?
Sooner than you think. Fewer dates and higher costs demand better margins. Price to keep the business and the family healthy.
Is a virtual assistant worth it if I’m part-time?
Usually yes. Your limited brain hours belong on ceremonies, client care, and strategy. Start with inbox triage or template prep a few hours a week. Personally I prefer automating the tasks a VA would do and then putting any effort I have into the very human elements of my celebrancy practice.
Grace, you are not failing because you cannot slam out ceremonies on two hours of sleep.
You are human, parenting, and self-employed. Honestly, my favourite combo of things for a person to be.
The way through is partnership clarity, seasonal planning, strong boundaries, and tiny, relentless systems.
Run your business like a grown-up. Love your kid like the miracle they are. Let everything else be negotiable.
Originally published on the Celebrant Institute: https://celebrant.institute/ceremony/celebrancy-and-kids/.